originally posted on cecileyhallman.com
It's been awhile...
nd here is why...
Let's go back, just six months ago, to the beginning of 2018.
In January I set my own New Years Resolutions.
I had big plans for 2018. This was going to be MY year.
My intentions were good. My motivation was there. My plan was concrete...
Nothing was going to get in my way.
But then... Life happened.
And by this I do not mean just the regular, day to day, life "happenings".
I'm talking about the big, life changing, course altering, life stuff.
And... It was rough.
(I am not going to go into detail as to exactly what happened... not because it is particularly private, but it just doesn't seem necessary to get into.
If you are so curious that you just simply can't stand it, hit me up and we can chat <3 ).
To be honest, everything that was going on in my life really took a toll on me.
All the motivation I had was gone.
I felt lost, confused, hurt, frustrated, and quite frankly, exhausted.
I remember coming home from work and the only thing I had energy for was Netflix.
(And... let's be honest... Netflix really doesn't require energy).
Things I normally enjoyed began feeling like chores.
I didn't want to do a n y t h i n g.
This was SO unlike me.
I didn't even have a Netflix account until last year. And even then, I would never just lay around and binge watch.
And now, that's all I wanted to do.
I stopped blogging.
I stopped doing photography.
stopped working on BE WISE.
and worst of all...
I stopped being me.
I began noticing that the less I did, the less I wanted to do.
The more I sat around and did nothing, the more I wanted to sit around and do nothing.
THIS BOTHERED ME.
I have ALWAYS (yes, I realize I "capsed", italicized, bolded and underlined this) been a productive person.
I never sat still. Sometimes even to a fault.
I hated that I was doing nothing. I hated that I was being stagnant. I hated that I wasn't being productive.
I HATED THAT I QUIT BE WISE.
But... as much as I hated this new reality... I honestly could not get myself to do it.
I was drained.
hysically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually drained.
Personally, I felt like I not only didn't progress or move forward, but instead l felt like I was 10 steps behind.
I hadn't accomplished any of my resolutions.
hadn't moved forward with BE WISE.
I hadn't become the person I wanted to become.
P.S.A. This post DOES have a happy ending.
Please keep reading<3
Finally, one day, I had enough.
I was done doing nothing. I was done throwing my pity party. I WAS DONE.
I realized that if I wasn't happy with my life, it was MY JOB to change it.
o... here we are... six months later... and I am finally making moves.
I am finally aking control over my life.
I am finally being who I want to be.
At first I felt like I had wasted six months of my life. I felt like I was "behind" and like I somehow needed to "catch up".
But I am now realizing that I am not "behind". I am right where I should be.
I needed a break.
I needed to slow down.
nd quite honestly, if I hadn't ever experienced the trauma that forced me to take a step back and breathe, I probably never would have. I would still be running a million miles an hour with no rest breaks.
hated that I wasn't being productive. But at this specific time in my life, that is what I truly needed.
So, instead of being completely bummed out by my lack of progress (or at least so it seemed), I've decided to use this as an opportunity to reflect, learn, and grow.
Everything that happens in our life, whether it is good or bad, provides opportunity for growth.
IF WE ALLOW IT.
So, here is what I learned during my six months of ZERO PRODUCTIVITY.
1. IF YOU NEED A BREAK, FREAKING TAKE A BREAK
Our bodies are INCREDIBLE. That is no secret. If we pay attention we will realize how they "speak" to us. When we are hungry, our bodies let us know. When we are tired, our bodies let us know. When we need to slow down and take a break, our bodies let us know. It us up to us whether we listen or not. Pay attention to what your body is telling you. If you feel exhausted, be willing to slow down and give your body a break.
2. RESTING IS PRODUCTIVE
As I mentioned earlier, I have always felt the need to be productive. Taking breaks and resting always felt like a waste of time. I realize now that I was running faster than I could keep up with. I was "busy" but not really "productive". Allowing yourself to rest will in turn allow you to be more productive. Your mind will be clear, you will be more focused, and you will have to energy necessary to complete any task put before you.
3. DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF
During this (long) break, I was really hard on myself. I had placed so much of my worth on what I was accomplishing in my life that when that was gone, so was a good portion of my self-esteem. While I was taking time off, I came to realized that my worth was never (and should never) be based on my accomplishments. I have worth simply because I AM. Simply because I exist. Not for anything I have done or ever will do. I had to learn to love myself just for who I was and not for what I was doing. Be careful that you are never placing your worth in something that could disappear. You have worth simply because you are. Give yourself a break and recognize the incredible being you are just simply because you exist.
4. ALWAYS LOOK FOR THE SILVER LINING
During these last six months it was really easy to recognize what I did not like about what was currently going on in my life. I was dealing with difficulties I hadn't anticipated. I was behind on my goals. I was not being productive. I was not proud of where I was at. However, although things did not turn out the way I wanted them to, there was always something to learn from. There was always opportunities for growth. I now had the ability to not only start over but to start BETTER. I now have the energy I did not have before. I now have a new found drive and appreciation for the work I had previously been doing.
Regardless of what you are going through, there is always something to learn. There is always a silver lining. Pay attention to the good in the midst of trial. You are not behind. You are right where you need to be. You are worthy of your own love and adoration. You deserve to rest. You deserve a break. If you find that you are being too hard on yourself, stop.
When life knocks you down, because it will, stand back up (even if it takes some Netflix breaks along the way), dust yourself off, be proud of your efforts, and believe that you've got this. Because you do.
HOW DO YOU PICK YOURSELF UP WHEN LIFE KNOCKS YOU DOWN?
Leave a comment below and let me know <3